At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it hurts more in the daytime
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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