dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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