Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
