remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
