The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
