You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
