I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just had sex bonerless
Say something about gay babies.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
