so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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