I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
