Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
