Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
