Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
