PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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