why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
