well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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