if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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