Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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