I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
