it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
