I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
