My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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