she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
