Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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