Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can Purell be used as lube?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
