dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
