I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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