is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Actions speak louder than pants.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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