Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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