Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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