i need an iv and a liver transplant
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
