he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had to cum in my sink.
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