Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
