Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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