I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
