at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
