Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
