the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
