Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
