I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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