Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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