Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
