I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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