walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
