Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
