Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
