i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
