I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
