mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
