We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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