i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
