i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
