I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
