how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
