this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize