did you get engaged???
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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