and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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