apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
handjob tips. give me some.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
