And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
