I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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