I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Everything about him screamed your future.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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