i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
