Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
